Healthy Relationship Guide for Parents & Caregivers
Helping Young People Build Healthy Relationships
Learning how to build healthy relationships is an important part of growing up. Long before young people begin dating, they are learning about communication, boundaries, respect, trust, and conflict by watching the relationships around them.
Parents and caregivers have an important role in helping young people understand what healthy relationships look like and recognize behaviors that may be unhealthy or unsafe.
These conversations don’t need to begin when your child starts dating. Healthy relationship education can start early with friendships, boundaries, respect, and communication.
What Does a Healthy Relationship Look Like?
Healthy relationships, whether friendships or dating relationships, should be built on:
Respect: Valuing each other’s feelings, opinions, boundaries, and individuality
Communication: Being able to talk honestly and listen to each other
Trust: Feeling secure without needing to constantly monitor or control each other
Boundaries: Understanding and respecting physical, emotional, sexual, and digital limits
Equality: Neither person controls the other or has all the power
Independence: Maintaining friendships, interests, activities, and individual goals
Consent: Respecting another person’s right to make decisions about their own body
Safety: Feeling physically and emotionally safe
Disagreements are a normal part of relationships. What matters is how people treat each other during those disagreements.
Start the Conversation Early
You don’t have to wait until your child is dating to talk about relationships.
Use friendships, family relationships, television, movies, music, or situations your child sees at school as opportunities to talk.
Try asking:
“What do you think makes someone a good friend or partner?”
“What does respect look like in a relationship?”
“How should someone handle a disagreement?”
“What would you do if someone didn’t respect your boundary?”
“How can you tell when jealousy becomes controlling?”
“What would you do if you were worried about a friend’s relationship?”
Listen to what your child thinks before giving your own perspective. Their answers can help you understand what they already know and where additional conversation may be helpful.
Teach Boundaries
Boundaries are limits people set about what they are and aren’t comfortable with.
Help young people understand that boundaries can involve:
Physical touch and personal space
Dating and sexual activity
Privacy
Phones and social media
Time with friends and family
Personal information
Communication
Emotional needs
Teach your child that they have the right to set boundaries—and a responsibility to respect other people’s boundaries.
Someone who cares about them should not use pressure, guilt, threats, manipulation, or fear to get them to change a boundary.
Talk About Consent
Consent is an important part of healthy relationship education and can be taught long before conversations about sexual activity.
Teach young people that consent should be clear, voluntary, and ongoing.
Help them understand:
Everyone has the right to make decisions about their own body.
Someone can say no to unwanted touch or activity.
Someone can change their mind at any time.
Being in a dating relationship doesn’t automatically mean consent.
A previous “yes” doesn’t mean yes in the future.
Pressure, manipulation, threats, or guilt are not consent.
If someone isn’t sure whether another person is comfortable, they should stop and ask.
Everyday situations, such as asking before hugging someone or respecting someone’s personal space, can help younger children begin learning about consent and boundaries.
Know the Warning Signs of an Unhealthy Relationship
It isn’t always easy for teens, or adults, to recognize when a relationship has become unhealthy.
Pay attention if a partner:
Constantly puts your child down or embarrasses them
Becomes extremely jealous or possessive
Controls who your child sees or talks to
Isolates your child from friends or family
Demands passwords or access to private messages
Constantly monitors your child’s location
Expects immediate responses to calls or messages
Pressures your child into physical or sexual activity
Ignores boundaries
Uses threats, guilt, or manipulation
Blames your child for their behavior
Threatens self-harm to keep your child from ending the relationship
Damages property or physically hurts your child
Makes your child seem afraid of upsetting them
Also pay attention to changes in your child’s behavior, such as withdrawing from friends, giving up activities, becoming unusually anxious about their phone, or seeming afraid of a partner’s reaction.
Talk About Digital Relationships
Technology is part of most young people’s relationships, which means healthy relationship conversations should include digital boundaries.
Help your child understand that dating someone doesn’t give that person unlimited access to their phone, accounts, passwords, location, or attention.
Talk about:
Keeping passwords private
Location sharing
Expectations around texting and response times
Posting photos or information about someone without permission
Pressure to send private or sexual images
Sharing screenshots of private conversations
Monitoring a partner’s followers, messages, or online activity
Using technology to embarrass, threaten, or control someone
Ask your child:
“Would this behavior still seem okay if it happened in person instead of through a phone?”
Controlling behavior doesn’t become healthy simply because it happens digitally.
If You’re Concerned About Your Child’s Relationship
If you believe your child may be in an unhealthy or abusive relationship, try to keep communication open.
Listen first.
Give your child an opportunity to explain what’s happening.
Stay calm.
Reacting with anger or immediately demanding that the relationship end may make your child defensive or less willing to share information.
Focus on behaviors.
Instead of simply saying, “I don’t like this person,” identify specific behaviors that concern you.
Try:
“I’m concerned because I’ve noticed you seem afraid when they text you.”
or
“I’m worried that they’re trying to keep you away from your friends.”
Don’t blame your child.
Make sure they understand that controlling, threatening, or abusive behavior is the responsibility of the person choosing that behavior.
Help them identify support.
A school counselor, healthcare provider, mental health professional, or other safe adult may be able to help.
If you believe your child is in immediate danger, seek emergency assistance.
What If My Child Is Showing Unhealthy Behaviors?
Parents should also be willing to recognize unhealthy behaviors in their own child.
Take concerns seriously if your child is:
Extremely jealous or possessive
Monitoring a partner’s phone or location
Trying to control who a partner sees
Pressuring someone to do something they don’t want to do
Ignoring another person’s boundaries
Using insults, threats, or intimidation
Blaming a partner for their own behavior
Make expectations clear while helping your child learn healthier ways to communicate, manage jealousy, handle rejection, and respect boundaries.
Accountability and support can happen together.
Model Healthy Relationships
Young people learn from what they see.
Adults can model healthy relationships by:
Communicating respectfully
Setting and respecting boundaries
Apologizing when they make mistakes
Handling disagreements without threats or insults
Respecting another person’s independence
Avoiding controlling behaviors
Demonstrating empathy
Asking before assuming
Showing that it’s okay to walk away and cool down during conflict
You don’t need to model a perfect relationship. Showing young people how to communicate, repair mistakes, and treat others respectfully can be just as valuable.
Prevention Education Starts at Home
Healthy relationship education isn’t just about preventing dating violence. It’s about giving young people the skills they need to build respectful, safe, and supportive relationships throughout their lives.
Talk early and continue the conversation as your child grows.
Help them learn to:
Communicate openly.
Set and respect boundaries.
Understand consent.
Recognize controlling behavior.
Handle disagreements respectfully.
Maintain their independence.
Ask for help when something doesn’t feel right.
Most importantly, make sure your child knows they can come to you with questions or concerns about a relationship without immediately being judged.
HELPFUL Resources
Love Is Respect
Information for teens, parents, and caregivers about healthy relationships, dating abuse, warning signs, and supporting a young person.
Visit: loveisrespect.org
One Love Foundation
Resources that help young people and families recognize healthy and unhealthy relationship behaviors.
Visit: joinonelove.org
That’s Not Cool
Resources about teen relationships, digital boundaries, and technology-related dating behaviors.
Visit: thatsnotcool.com
HealthyChildren.org
Information from the American Academy of Pediatrics about adolescent development, dating, relationships, communication, and sexual health.
Visit: healthychildren.org
RAINN
Information and support related to sexual violence, consent, prevention, and helping someone who has experienced sexual violence.
Visit: rainn.org