How to Be a Safe Adult
Your Response Can Make a Difference
Young people need safe, supportive adults they can turn to with questions, concerns, and difficult experiences.
A safe adult is someone a young person feels safe approaching for support, guidance, and help. Being a safe adult doesn't mean having all the answers. It means listening, taking concerns seriously, maintaining appropriate boundaries, and helping a young person get the support they need.
The way you respond when a young person comes to you can influence whether they continue asking adults for help in the future.
What Does a Safe Adult Look Like?
Safe adults:
Listen without immediately judging or criticizing
Take young people's concerns seriously
Remain calm when difficult information is shared
Respect personal and physical boundaries
Communicate honestly
Follow through when they say they will help
Model healthy relationships and communication
Know when additional help is needed
Put a young person's safety and well-being first
Most importantly, safe adults create an environment where young people know they can come to them before a problem becomes a crisis.
Build Trust Before It’s Needed
Trust is built through everyday interactions.
You can strengthen your relationship with a young person by:
Being Available
Create regular opportunities to talk without making every conversation feel like an interrogation.
Showing Interest
Ask about school, friendships, activities, interests, and things that matter to them.
Listening
Give them your attention instead of immediately offering advice or trying to solve the problem.
Keeping Your Word
Following through builds confidence that you can be counted on.
Respecting Their Feelings
You don't have to agree with everything a young person says to acknowledge that their feelings are real.
Admitting When You Don't Know Something
It's okay to say, “I don't know, but we can find out together.”
When a Young Person Comes to You
If a child or teen tells you something difficult, your first response matters.
Stay Calm
Even if what you’re hearing is upsetting, try not to react with shock, anger, blame, or panic.
A strong emotional reaction may cause a young person to stop talking or worry that they’ve done something wrong.
Listen
Allow them to explain what happened in their own words.
Avoid interrupting or asking unnecessary questions. Focus first on understanding what they are trying to tell you.
Believe and Validate
Helpful responses may include:
“I’m glad you told me.”
“Thank you for trusting me.”
“I’m listening.”
“I’m sorry you're dealing with this.”
“You did the right thing by asking for help.”
“Let’s figure out what we need to do next.”
Don't Blame
Avoid questions or comments that could make a young person feel responsible for what happened.
Instead of asking, “Why didn’t you tell someone sooner?” try:
“I’m glad you told me now.”
Don't Promise to Keep Everything Secret
A young person may begin a conversation by saying:
“Promise you won’t tell anyone.”
Be honest about what you can and cannot keep private.
You might say:
“I will respect your privacy, but if I’m worried that you or someone else isn’t safe, I may need to get another adult involved so we can help.”
Whenever possible, explain what will happen next and involve the young person in the process.
Know When to Get Additional Help
Being a safe adult doesn't mean handling every situation yourself.
Additional help may be needed when a young person:
Says they don't feel safe
Reports abuse, neglect, exploitation, or violence
Is experiencing bullying, threats, or harassment
Is being pressured or controlled in a relationship
Talks about suicide or self-harm
Talks about harming someone else
Experiences significant changes in mood or behavior
Needs medical or mental health care
Shares something that triggers a legal or professional reporting responsibility
Know the policies, reporting requirements, and responsibilities connected to your role.
If you're unsure what to do, seek guidance from an appropriate supervisor, school administrator, healthcare professional, mental health professional, or other qualified resource.
Maintain Healthy Boundaries
Trust and boundaries go together.
A safe adult should:
Respect a young person's personal space
Use appropriate language and communication
Avoid asking a young person to keep secrets from parents, caregivers, or other safe adults
Follow organizational policies for communication and interactions with youth
Avoid creating relationships that depend on secrecy or exclusivity
Keep digital communication appropriate
Avoid making a young person responsible for the adult's emotions
Encourage young people to have multiple safe adults in their support system
A safe adult should never make a young person feel that they are the only person the young person can trust.
Help Them Identify Other Safe Adults
One supportive adult can make a difference. A network of supportive adults is even better.
Encourage young people to identify several people they could turn to, such as:
Parents or caregivers
Family members
Teachers
School counselors or social workers
School nurses
Coaches
Youth leaders
Healthcare providers
Other responsible adults
Ask:
“Who are three adults you could go to if you needed help?”
If they can't identify anyone, help them build that list.
Check in again.
Don't assume that one conversation solved the problem.
Follow up:
“How are things going?”
“Has anything changed since we talked?”
“Do you feel safe?”
“Is there anything else you need from me?”
Following up shows that you meant it when you said you cared and that asking for help wasn't a burden.
If a Young Person Doesn’t Want to Talk
Don’t force a conversation.
Let them know you're available:
“You don’t have to talk about it right now, but I’m here when you’re ready.”
Continue creating opportunities for connection and pay attention to significant changes in behavior, mood, relationships, or daily activities.
If you believe a young person's safety is at risk, you may need to act even if they aren't ready to talk.
Remember
You don’t need to be perfect to be a safe adult.
Young people need adults who are present, consistent, respectful, honest, and willing to listen.
When a young person trusts you enough to share something important:
Stay calm.
Listen.
Believe them.
Take concerns seriously.
Be honest about confidentiality.
Know when to get help.
Follow up.
Being a safe adult isn't about having every answer. It’s about making sure a young person doesn’t have to find those answers alone.
HELPFUL Resources
StopBullying.gov
Resources for adults supporting young people experiencing or witnessing bullying.
Visit: stopbullying.gov
HealthyChildren.org
Information from the American Academy of Pediatrics about child and adolescent development, communication, mental health, relationships, and safety.
Visit: healthychildren.org
KidsHealth
Resources for parents and caregivers about children's physical, emotional, and social health.
Visit: kidshealth.org
Child Welfare Information Gateway
Information about recognizing and responding to child abuse and neglect and understanding reporting responsibilities.
Visit: childwelfare.gov
NAMI
Mental health information and resources for young people and families.
Visit: nami.org
988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline
Crisis support is available 24/7 for someone experiencing emotional distress or a mental health crisis.
Call or text: 988